


It is Not the Stars That Hold Our Destiny

by What_They_Call_Me



Series: What if Morgana was good (Where I just write things with Merlin and Morgana being happy sorcerer friends) [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hurt!Merlin, It's been ten years, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, am I still obsessed with Merlin? Yes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23736652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/What_They_Call_Me/pseuds/What_They_Call_Me
Summary: And that’s what did it for Merlin, the crying. His heart shattered as he saw a woman just like him, scared and out of control just like him, crying.So he decided in that second: Fuck the dragon, screw what Gaius had said.Merlin could make his own destiny, and so could Morgana.+++(Or Merlin tells Morgana about his magic and ends up with a best friend, Arthur being a jealous prat, and being able to find true love)
Relationships: Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana/OFC (Merlin)
Series: What if Morgana was good (Where I just write things with Merlin and Morgana being happy sorcerer friends) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716769
Comments: 41
Kudos: 1085





	It is Not the Stars That Hold Our Destiny

Merlin hated the Dragon's cage, he hated the caverns that held this great beast. Sure the Dragon was an arse sometimes, but he didn’t deserve to be chained beneath the palace, without sun nor fresh air.

But Merlin came down the steps to the cavern, asking for help yet again. Asking for a way to help Morgana with her growing magic and growing fears.

“The witch-” The Dragon sneered.

“She’s not a witch!” Merlin shouted, “She’s a good person, a friend.”

“The witch,” The dragon continued smug in the fact that he had gone against Merlin, “Will bring the death to the Once and Future King. You should never let her discover her true powers!”

+++

Merlin went to Morgana’s room the potion in hand. He felt like an complete and total arse.

How many times had he been made to feel like a monster because of his magic? How many times did he nearly go mad because no one understood his magic? How many times had he been terrified at night, scared the Uther Pendragon would storm into his room and kill him?

And now that Morgana, sweet beautiful Morgana, was experiencing the same thing Merlin had shut her out, turned her away and told her she was going crazy. He was just as bad as the rest of them, Merlin sighed to himself, and he hated it.

He knocked on Morgana’s door, and she opened it. Morgana looked so frightened, smaller than she ever had before.

Merlin hated it, Morgana always looked like a queen, took up the entire space and owned it. Now she cowered shrinking into herself, just like Merlin had done when he was a child. She was terrified at her wits ends.

“Gaius asked me to deliver this.” Merlin got out, but barley, the words catching in his throat. He produced the potion in his hands.

Morgana looked at it for a moment, terrified, but she said with a voice that was almost steady, “I don’t need any potion, thank you.”

Merlin was almost proud, she was embracing herself much quicker than Merlin had been able to, and he was born with magic. Merlin had always known Morgana was strong, this just proven it.

But Morgana didn’t stop there, “Merlin.” She said, “Ignore what I said last night.”

And that dash of hope that Morgana would be better than he was, braver than he was, was dashed. Because Morgana wouldn’t be able to accept herself. No one with magic in Camelot would ever be able to accept themselves. And Merlin had driven his friend, a person who understood and felt the same pain as he did, away.

“I had a nightmare.” Morgana continued, it sounded rehearsed, a mantra drilled in by fear, “I was upset.”

“I know.” Merlin stepped forward, he almost put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, but he didn’t couldn’t get himself to. “I haven’t told anyone.”

Morgana searched his eyes, looking for something she couldn’t find. Merlin was a terrible, terrible ass. He could be helping her, he could be comforting her, explaining that Magic wasn’t bad. He could be doing anything, but he was just standing like a fool.

“I’m sorry, it’s usually Gwen who deals with me when I’m like this.” Morgan said through tears, stepping away from Merlin deeper into her chambers.

And that’s what did it for Merlin, the crying. His heart shattered as he saw a woman just like him, scared and out of control just like him, crying. 

So he decided in that second: Fuck the dragon, screw what Gaius had said. 

Merlin could make his own destiny, and so could Morgana.

So Merlin closed the door with a soft thud and went to sit next to Morgana who was sobbing at her vanity. Thick tears streamed down her face, and a shakes wracked her thin frame. 

“I will forgive you Morgana,” Merlin started, her kneeled so he was at her knees, looking up at her. Giving her some power in this, “Only if you forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Morgana asked whipping the tears from her eyes.

Merlin took a deep breath steadying himself for what he was about to share. 

“I knew it was magic.” Merlin practically whispered. And Morgana smiled, it was watery and sad, but it was a smile, “I knew because I have magic too.”

When he said it, out in the open it was as if the room had turned into a vacuum. All the air sucked out of his lungs and he waited for Morgana to yell for the guards, to be carried away and murdered. There was a long moment of silence which seemed to stretch into eons, and then Morgana flung her arms around him, hugging Merlin tightly to herself. And Merlin could breath again.

Morgana had flung herself so hard, that the two fell to the floor, Merlin lying down and Morgana on top of him. She was smiling an genuine smile but still crying, so Merlin reached up and whipped away the tears. 

“I’m sorry.” Morgana scrambled to get up, brushing off her white gown. Merlin stood as well, no more gracefully than Morgana had, and the two stared at each other.

“We will figure a way to stop these nightmares, alright? Together.” Merlin promised, “but for tonight, maybe you should take the potion. It will help.”

Merlin held out the potion, and Morgana took it, eyeing the tonic suspiciously. She turned it over in her hands, unsure.

“It hasn’t helped before.” Morgana sounded, almost petulant.

“Its a bandage for an amputation. It doesn’t help much, but it does help.” Merlin promised closing Morgana’s hand around the potion carefully, “I will start researching a spell tonight. Hopefully by tomorrow I will have one ready.”

Merlin turned to leave, he was almost out the door when Morgana called to him. 

Merlin turned to see her, she was already looking more regal again. Standing tall and proud in her room, the darkness of the quarters shying away from her light. She looked powerful and strong, like a princess. Merlin knew in that moment, he had made the right choice, because she was happier like this, she was strong like this.

“Thank you Merlin.” Morgana said, dipping her head.

Merlin managed a small bow, “you have a good heart Lady Morgana.”

And then he closed the door, returning to his room.

When Gaius asked about Morgana, Merlin lied, he had lied to Gaius, and said she was scared, but resting. Then he went to his room, and by the light of a candle read through every single page of the book until he found one that might work. The early light of dawn shown when he stumbled upon the page, an enchantment to ward of dreams.

Merlin had meant to find Morgana when she was done with his duties for the Prince. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, moving more sluggishly than normal, which earned himself extra chores, but then Morgana popped her head into Arthur’s chambers, asking if she could steal Merlin away.

“Why?” Arthur asked looking at Merlin with something close to disgust.

“Because he is the physician's assistant.” Morgana answered easily, and Arthur waved Merlin off.

Morgana pulled Merlin to a quiet hallway in the castle, away from prying eyes. She whispered urgently, “Did you find something that could work?”

“Yes, I will come to your chambers tonight, after sundown.” Merlin whispered back, “Do you have a bracelet, or necklace, or ring or something?”

“Why?”

“We need something to hold the enchantment.”

And Morgana nodded. Then she easily turned around, moving as if the castle was at her mercy. Merlin supposed it kind of was, and Merlin even smiled.

Merlin returned to Arthur’s chamber, still smiling, lighter than he has been in a while. It feels good to tell the truth, and to be appreciated for it. When Arthur saw him he frowned.

“What did Morgana want?” Arthur asked grumpily, pretending to be interesting in the papers he was over looking.

“Nothing, just physician’s assistant stuff.” Merlin shrugged. Arthur gave him extra clothes to wash after that.

That night Merlin preformed the spell in the darkness of night, inside the Lady Morgana’s room. He attached the enchantment to a simple silver ring. When it was done, he slipped the ring onto Morgana’s finger.

With a lopsided smile Merlin laughed, “don’t say I never gave you anything.”

Morgana was smiling, genuinely smiling at Merlin as if he were the sun, moon and stars. And Merlin liked that he was appreciated.

+++

The next morning Merlin was walking down a hallway with clothes that needed to be mended when he saw Lady Morgana. 

She came to him, smiling wider than Merlin had ever seen. 

“I slept wonderfully last night Merlin!” She exclaimed, pointing to her ring, which caught the light beautifully, “No nightmare’s.”

“That’s wonderful my lady.” Merlin grinned, because it was. He was happy his friend was happy.

“Teach me.” Morgana said, right in the middle of the castle with servants darting around them as if it was nothing. Merlin stared at her. “Please.”

Merlin always knew he was going to teach Morgana how to use her magic, an untrained sorcerer without control of their power in Camelot was dangerous and stupid. Especially now that Morgana knew Merlin’s secret. But he had expected the woman to be a little smarter about training.

“Morgana-” Merlin sighed.

Morgana cut him off, an in a pleading tone asked, “please Merlin.”

“Of course I’ll teach you.” Merlin hissed, “But it does have to be a secret. We will meet at night, I will come get you at night fall and take you to a safe place where we can begin. But Morgana we musn’t speak of this when we are in the castle.”

Morgana nodded with a sly smile, she seemed too happy about this, and Merlin wondered for the millionth time if all of this was a mistake.

“ _The witch will bring the death to the Once and Future King_.” The Dragon’s voice echoed in his ears.

That night after he retired from Arthur’s chambers, Merlin found Morgana, wearing servants clothes and a cloak. Merlin looked at her unsure of what was happening. 

“I thought I would need a disguise.” Morgana said gesturing to her clothes.

“Why? Who are you disguising yourself from. It will only be me and you.” Merlin asked, leading Morgana gently by the wrist. As soon as he realised what he was doing he dropped her arm like it burned.

Neither said anything until they reached the forest. Merlin began to teach her, showing her how to connect with her power, how to feel it and become one with it. Morgana soaked his words up eagerly, and didn’t want to return to the castle when Merlin said they were done for the night.

“Tomorrow, can we meet again tomorrow?” Morgana asked, so excited and honest that Merlin had to smile.

“No. But the day after alright?” 

Morgana nodded happily.

They promised each other that they would meet up soon, but then Gwen was taken and their plans forgotten. 

The worst part was Merlin hadn’t even known something was wrong until Morgana burst into his chambers, a bloody scrape on her head and a murderous look in her eyes. Sure Merlin had known that Morgana’s party had been delayed and hadn’t yet returned. But he had seen both Gwen and Morgana fight when in Ealdor, and knew they were with knights. He thought he had no reason to worry.

Merlin stopped moving as soon as Morgana entered, the small piece of meat and bread that he had procured not yet in his mouth. He saw Morgana enter, but she didn’t see him, not really.

“Uther Pendragon is a stubborn man!” Morgana ranted, she was pacing the room her hands rubbing her velvet dress up and down, “The nerve of him. Gwen saved my life, and he won’t even go after her!”

Merlin dropped his food, “Gwen? Is she alright?”

“No!” Morgana shouted, “And no one will go out after her. We have to Merlin. It’s _Gwen_.”

And of course they had to, because Morgana was right. It was _Gwen_.

+++

Merlin had been placed in the stocks for a full day for leaving Camelot with Morgana in order to rescue Gwen. Morgana had fought vehemently, saying that if Merlin belonged in the stocks so did she. But it was to no avail, Merlin suffered the consequences alone, but Gwen was okay, asides from a couple scrapes and bruises, so it had been worth it.

Arthur had come to the stocks and reprimanded Merlin as well, “Seriously! You went off with Morgana? Why didn’t you ask me to join you. I could’ve helped!”

Merlin had just shrugged, and Arthur stormed away murderously. 

That night Merlin was going to sneak out to where he met Morgana, but Gaius was waiting in the main chamber. Gauis looked at Merlin with his disappointed father face.

“Where are you going?” Gaius asked.

“Um… to collect herbs… for Arthur?” Merlin tried. He had always been a lousy liar, it was a wonder the entire world didn’t know that he was a sorcerer.

“There was a time you would think twice before lying to me boy.” Gaius sighed. 

Merlin’s heart sank to his feet, he hated it when Gaius was disappointed in him. It hurt.

“I hope you know what your doing.” Gaius warned, but let Merlin pass.

“I hope I do too.”

+++

Merlin and Morgana were out in the forest, as they were so often, when an alarm bell rung in the castle. They were the two most powerful sorcerers in Camelot, without them Camelot was almost certainly doomed. The two exchanged a look before running back home.

It was Arthur who saw them running from the forest together. He said nothing, fighting off a band of evil wizards. Merlin and Morgana found wizard after wizard in a chamber, one that housed the keys to the vault. And so there they took their stand to fight.

Merlin had fought using his magic. Secretive spells which sent the dark wizards to the ground. 

Morgana, who had mostly been learning defensive magic so far, took up a sword to beat back wizards.

They won, no one really knew how, not even Merlin. And when Arthur had found Morgana and Merlin still in a chamber, back to back ready to fight he had scowled.

“My father is worried about you.” Arthur said to Morgana, who dropped her sword quickly. She nodded and went to leave the chamber, but Arthur stopped her, plucking a leaf from her hair. She blushed, but left without a word.

Merlin sagged behind her, but Arthur didn’t allow him to leave the room.

“She’s like a sister to me Merlin.” Arthur said, his voice biting. 

Merlin didn’t know why Arthur was telling him this. Merlin already knew how Arthur and Morgana felt about each other. 

Arthur stared at him for a long moment before throwing the leaf at Merlin’s head, then the crowned prince turned and stormed off. When Merlin reached to fix his hair, he found a second leaf there. A twin to the Lady Morgana’s.

Arthur had known that they had been out in the woods that night.

Merlin gulped.

+++

“Why did you come to Camelot?” Morgana asked one night after they had finished training. They were doing difficult spells, ones that took concentration and energy, even for Merlin, so they both lay on the forest floor spent and tired.

“Huh?”

Merlin’s eyes were closed, but he would feel when Morgana leaned closer to him, could hear the rustle of dead leaves as she moved carefully. 

“You must have known that sorcery is illegal here. But still, with the threat of being burned alive or beheaded you came to Camelot. Why?” Morgana asked.

The forest breeze swept over them gently, it was warm and nice. Merlin didn’t say a word for a moment, just feeling the night air around him and taking in the sounds of the forest around him. He was happy here, lying on the ground. He was happy to have someone to confide in.

“I was told that I have a great destiny that can only be completed here in Camelot.” Merlin whispered, “I am to protect Prince Arthur.”

Morgana didn’t say anything for a long time, and Merlin wondered if maybe she had fallen asleep. 

He liked it that Morgana had magic, he liked that he was able to talk to her to share his secrets with her. Having someone to confide in, it made everything feel less scary, as if the future of Albion didn’t hang on his shoulders. Gaius was great, but the man didn’t understand, not really, he didn’t know that tiny bit of fear that Merlin had every time he saw a knight. And his sage advice, it always made Merlin feel so trapped. 

Morgana was different. Her advice was more open, more freeing. She wanted him to follow his heart and fight for what he believed in.

“Are you sure Arthur’s worth it?” Morgana asked, her voice barley louder than the night air.

+++

Merlin was not sure if Arthur was worth _this_. 

“Come on Merlin!” Arthur shouted, egging Merlin on. Merlin willed his legs to move faster, to go farther. He would have out run the arrow aimed at him, if he hadn’t tripped on a root at the same moment the arrow pierced the shield on his back.

Merlin fell to the ground, his face connecting painfully with another root. Hot red blood gushed down his face. The air knocked from his lungs. A dull ache of pain throbbed around his body.

“Stand up Merlin.” Arthur said impatiently, but offered his hand to help Merlin rise.

Arthur’s face paled when he saw Merlin, which almost caused the sorcerer to laugh. It was as if Arthur had never seen blood before, despite being a seasoned knight. Merlin whipped at his nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

When Arthur returned to the castle, Merlin at his heels, Morgana was waiting for them. She took one look at Merlin and ran to him, touching gently at his bloodied face. 

“Arthur!” Morgana shouted angrily. 

Arthur just scowled.

“He’s my manservant.” Arthur sounded both defensive and ashamed at the same time. “And he’s being a child about it.”

Merlin absolutely was not! He hadn’t even complained (much) on the walk back from the castle.

Morgana was prodding at Merlin’s face, “Some prince you are.”

Arthur threw his hands up angrily, his sword clattering on the stone floor. 

“By the gods Morgana.” Arthur said nothing more, just stalked off.

“It’s fine. Arthur’s just being a royal prat right now.” Merlin shrugged running after Arthur.

+++

“Morgause is my sister.” Morgana said out of no where.

Morgana liked to breeze into his chambers like she owned them, she loved to idly look at all of the trinkets in his room, brushing her hand over the worn wooden furniture with interest. Merlin didn’t even startle when she came in any more. He simply continued to polish Arthur’s boots. But this was something he didn’t know.

“What?” Merlin’s head snapped up.

“She told me a little while okay. We are half sisters.” Morgana shrugged. “Uther doesn’t want me to know, something about divided loyalties.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Merlin asked, tilting his head.

“Merlin, I know the risks you take for me. I have the key to so many of your secrets, it’s time I return the favour.” Morgana said. She looked almost ashamed.

Merlin stood up and hugged her, it was as if his body was working without his consent, because if he was using his brain he would never hug Morgana. It had just been a long time since he had been acknowledged for his risks. And it felt good to know someone cared.

He felt her tears on his shoulder, but didn’t say anything. And if she felt his tears, she did the same.

+++

Arthur started calling for Gwen to bring his breakfast, and do some of Merlin’s chores. This enraged Morgana who ranted about it to no end when Merlin took her to train out in the woods. 

It made Merlin feel… something. He couldn’t quite understand how he felt about it. But when he saw Gwen in Arthur’s chamber’s, Merlin felt his stomach clench. 

Merlin should be happy, if Gwen was doing some of his work, that meant Merlin could do other things. But instead he wanted push Gwen out of the way.

“Guinevere is quite lovely isn’t she?” Arthur asked one day and Merlin helped him change.

“I suppose so sire.” Merlin said evenly. He didn’t know why that made his stomach churn so. He loved Gwen, she was a wonderful friend and he too though she was quiet lovely. And yet Merlin felt as if there was a fist tightening around his heart.

“And a good servant.” Arthur mused, looking at Merlin with something in his eyes, something Merlin couldn’t recognise, “much better than you are.”

“I suppose she is sire.” Merlin said again. The fist around his heart tightening more.

Arthur was fully dressed, and Merlin stepped back.

“Are you capable of saying anything else Merlin?” Arthur snapped.

“I can say prat!” Merlin replied hotly.

Arthur looked at Merlin deep blue eyes searching him for something. Whatever it was, Arthur must not have found it.

“You are dismissed.” Arthur waved Merlin off.

And Merlin stood for a moment. Opening and closing his mouth.

If that’s how Arthur was going to be, fine.

Merlin turned and stormed off. 

That night with Morgana, it was Merlin’s turn to rant, “He’s being a great big dollophead!”

Morgana smirked, “Arthur?”

“I’m Arthur, I think I’m so great. I’m the Crown Prince of Camelot, but I can’t actually do anything because my manservant does it all for me. I am just a big oaf who hopes for the best at all times.” Merlin mocked, using a faux low and grumbly voice.

Morgana laughed gently, she seemed to enjoy when Merlin was upset.

“He’ll come around.” Morgana promised. And then she muttered an incantation that made a small fire ball in her hand, effectively distracting Merlin from his train of thought.

+++

Merlin was walking to Arthur’s chambers, lugging all the materials needed for polishing. He was at the door when he heard voices carrying through the walls.

“You aren’t being kind to him.” It was Morgana’s voice.

Merlin leaned closer, all but putting his ear to the crack in the door. 

“ _The witch will bring the death to the Once and Future King_.” The Dragon’s words were on his mind again, as they always were when Arthur and Morgana had a spat. Morgana seemed no closer to bringing Arthur’s death than she had the months before when her magic hadn’t yet manifested, but Merlin still worried. 

“Oh, am I Morgana? I’m sure you’ve noticed!” Arthur shouted breaking Merlin from his thoughts.

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“It means,” Arthur hissed “That this is only fair. You stole my servant and now I’m stealing yours.”

There was a beat of silence and Merlin wondered if he should enter, pretend he heard nothing and get to work. He would never understand royalty and their strange need to have things. Even if those things were servants.

But before he could steele himself to enter her heard Morgana’s laughter, it tinkled like a bell.

“He was wrong, you’re not a big oaf. You’re a giant one!” Morgana shouted, and if Merlin knew her she would storm out any second, happy to prove her point and to have poked and prodded at Arthur. Merlin quickly scampered backwards, in the process dropping his materials for polishing. They banged to the ground loudly, probably altering the entire castle of his presence, let alone Arthur and his pseudo-sister. 

Dropping to his knees Merlin quickly worked to pick up the dropped supplies. 

Arthur’s door flew open, revealing a very put out Arthur, and Morgana peaking over his shoulder. When Arthur saw his servant the man’s face almost looked horrified.

“Merlin! You clumsy buffoon, how long have you been out here?” Arthur asked, an edge or urgency in his tone.

“Yes Merlin, how long have you been here?” Morgana asked, more slyly. She was smirking, even when Arthur sent a glare over his shoulder.

“I only just got here.” Merlin lied, his voice quivering slightly, “if someone hadn’t made me carry all of these supplies up three flights of stairs I would have gotten here sooner, and I wouldn’t have dropped it.”

Morgana was laughing again, and this time, Merlin thought she might be laughing at him. She sent him a glare. If anything, it made Morgana laugh more. She slipped from behind Arthur’s shoulder.

“Please don’t utilize Gwen’s services tonight. I am very tired and want to sleep early.” Morgana said. She was speaking to Merlin as much as she was to Arthur, and Merlin nodded in understanding. There would be no training tonight.

Arthur blushed, but then quickly schooled his expression.

“Well hurry up Merlin, my armor will not polish itself.” Arthur huffed. Morgana’s laughter echoed as she disappeared down the hall.

+++

Vaguely Merlin wondered why it always seemed that the three of them were in danger. Mostly he wondered if he could run any faster, but he was also focused on how it was possible that the three of them had such bad luck, that any time they traveled, they found bandits.

Merlin cast a glance over his shoulder, muttered and incantation which had a tree brach falling.

Morgana pulled him behind a large boulder, pressing his back against it. Arthur was peering over the rock, looking at the bandits who were still coming in fast.

“We need to keep moving.” Arthur whispered, watching at the bandits came ever closer.

“We should just hide.” Morgana countered.

Merlin’s breaths heaved, he went to glance over the bolder, but Arthur put a strong hand on his head, keeping him down, Morgana too had a hand pressed to his chest.So Merlin just sighed, pressing himself against the rock.

“Morgana, I am the crowned Prince, we will do as I say.” Arthur hissed.

Morgana had been testing him more and more recently, she knew that she was more powerful than Arthur ever could be, and revealed in that power. Even if Arthur didn’t know it.

Merlin shook his head slightly, he would rather be safe and away from the bandits, but instead he was stuck between two arguing nobles. 

There wasn’t any time to decide, because the bandits found their hiding place (Merlin suspected it was due to the loud argument that was going on when they should be hiding) and the three were running again. Arthur had a hand on both Morgana and Merlin’s wrists pulling them deeper into the forest. 

How Arthur managed to run so fast wearing chainmail, Merlin would never understand, he was already growing tired from the running already. His legs were sore, and his chest was on fire.

Suddenly Arthur stopped, forcing Morgana and Merlin to quiet literally run into his back.

Merlin peered over Arthur’s shoulder to see a fork in the road, both paths looked dark, overgrown with trees and gnarled roots. 

“What are we waiting for?” Merlin asked.

“Yes come on, we need to go that way.” Morgana pointed down the left path. She looked sure of herself, and started to walk, but Arthur kept a steady hold on her wrist.

“No, we should go that way.” Arthur pointed his chin in the direction of the right path.

“Why must you always decide. What makes you think that you are always right?” Morgana huffed.

“I don’t know? Because I’m the prince of Camelot, because I have traveled these woods much more than you have, because I’m older. Take your pick.” Arthur snapped back.

“We don’t have time for this!” Merlin warned, throwing a look over his shoulder, searching for the bandits. “Just pick a path and be done with it.”

And Merlin must have imagined the way that Arthur’s thumb gently grazed over his hand. Because there was no way that Arthur Pendragon would be holding Merlin gently, making sure Merlin wasn’t scared. Because that wasn’t Arthur.

“He’s right!” Morgana finally succeeded. “Have Merlin pick, since neither of us can decide.”

Merlin looked between the prince and the sorcerer, suddenly he wished to be taken by the bandits. It seemed that this decision was important, like it would mean something, something far greater than surviving a raid on bandits, and Merlin wasn’t sure he wanted to make that choice. Scared of what it might mean.

“Hurry up Merlin.” Arthur chided, and so Merlin pointed down the path on the right.

Arthur smiled smugly, and pulled the two along again, running quickly. Morgana didn’t say anything, but she did smile just a bit at Merlin, and so he decided that he did make the right decision.

+++

Idirsholas’ fires burned, the knights had returned from their slumber, and only Merlin and Arthur had survived. They returned to Camelot, quietly neither wanting to say anything after witnessing a massacre. Merlin beat himself, thinking about how he should have saved everyone, he should have saved everyone, but he had only saved Arthur.

The pair came to the castle, and everyone was asleep, bodies strewn about haphazardly. It was eerie and strange.

And then there was Morgana, the only one not asleep.

_The witch will bring the death to the Once and Future King_

Arthur started off towards king’s room, hoping to save his father, hoping his father would be awake. Merlin went to follow, but Morgana’s hand circled around his wrist, stopping him.

“Merlin, why am I the only one awake?” She whispered, it was rushed and scared, and Merlin felt badly for thinking about the Dragon’s words. This was Morgana, she was good and she would never purposely hurt Arthur.

“I don’t know.” Merlin answered truthfully. Morgana all but gasped, he knew what she thought of him. She saw Merlin as an all powerful sorcerer, she thought he knew everything, and Merlin didn’t have the heart to tell her that he was fumbling just as much as she was. It was the blind leading the blind. 

“Could it be because of my,” Morgana looked around and then lowered her voice, “ _magic_?”

“No.” Merlin answered, “I haven’t been here long, but I feel the spell working.”

They didn’t have a chance to say anything else because Arthur popped his head in the room. He looked between the two carefully, his eyes locking onto where Morgana held his wrist. She dropped it like it burned.

“Really Morgana, now isn’t the time. We must get moving. We don’t have time.” Arthur sighed.

Morgana nodded and ran down the halls towards Uther’s chamber. Merlin followed this time, and Arthur ran faster than them all.

The king’s chambers were large, larger than Arthur’s and Morgana’s combined. Merlin honestly hated the gross overuse of money.

“We must get the king to safety!” Arthur yelled, already tugging his father from the bed.

“We have a bigger problem.” Morgana said, looking out the window.

The three crouched together, Merlin between the two siblings, all pressed close to the wall and each other. Merlin could feel their heat, could feel their breaths on his shoulders.

Down in the courtyard were the knights, and leading them was…

“Morgause?”

“We need to move, now!” Morgana said, pushing the two men so that they were laying down, not looking out the window where they could be seen.

“We can’t leave my father.” Arthur insisted, “he’s the king!”

Merlin stayed quiet as the siblings fought with each other. He didn’t want to be in the middle of their battles, as he often found himself. 

“If Morgause is behind this, we don’t stand a chance unless we run.” Morgana was insisting. Merlin didn’t really hear it, the conversation sounded far away in a sleepy haze.

And while Merlin hated to admit it, he thought that maybe Morgana was right. Morgause was a powerful sorcerer and with Merlin so exhausted and Morgana still learning, there was no way that they could defeat her. Besides they didn’t even know what type of enchantment used for this spell.

“He’s the king!” Merlin vaguely heard Arthur.

This enchantment was strong, so strong that it would have to have a vessel. Like the ring that Morgana wore to stop her nightmares.

A vessel!

Merlin understood, he gasped sitting up and jostling the Arthur and Morgana, distracting them from their fight.

“Merlin, are you alright?” Arthur asked, looking Merlin up and down. Morgana moved closer, placing a gentle hand on his head, feeling for a fever.

“We don’t have a lot of time, we can dress Uther as a servant, and then hide him. I’ll go get clothes.” Merlin breathed.

“That’s not a bad idea Merlin.” Arthur sounded almost surprised.

“Yes, yes I do have them from time to time.” Merlin grunted, standing up slowly, “Morgana, will you come and help me?”

Arthur’s face pinched like he swallowed a sour lemon.

“No! We only need one person to go out.” Arthur said in a tone that implied that it was final. Merlin opened his mouth to argue, but a he caught Morgana’s eye, she shook her head almost undetectably.

_Fine!_

Merlin went to Gaius’ chambers, he grabbed servants clothes, hemlock and the antidote. But this plan wouldn’t work unless he had time to talk to Morgana alone.

Merlin returned to Uther’s chambers to find a makeshift sled, Arthur and Morgana arguing, and the king softly snoring in only his pants. Merlin didn’t know why he was surprised anymore.

They couldn’t stay long, dragging the king to the throne room, the three awake citizens of Camelot hurried away from the knights. Merlin wondered idly if this was how Camelot was destined to fall, because with the way that Arthur seemed glued to Morgana’s side now, there was no chance Merlin would be able to tell his plan. And he didn’t have much time, Merlin could feel the sleep at the edges of his mind, beckoning him.

“We can’t stay here.” Morgana pointed out, kneeling down before Uther, gently brushing the hair from his face.

“We need to get out of Camelot, regroup.” Arthur said.

“Do you remember the cart? The one from the courtyard?” Merlin asked, leaning against the door heavily, his eye lids like lead.

“I’ll go get it.” Arthur nodded, he too was leaning against the door. His head dropping to his chin, even as he stood.

“No! Arthur, that’s suicide.” Merlin argued.

He couldn’t let Arthur go out there, not alone. He couldn’t let Arthur die. Even if it wasn’t Merlin’s destiny to protect the once and future king, Merlin would do anything to save the man he lov-. Merlin stopped that thought before it finished, instead he rearranged his thoughts, Merlin would do anything to save Arthur.

“It has to be me Merlin.” Arthur said, almost sadly. He looked at Merlin, searching for something. The prince opened his mouth, ready to say something, but at the last moment Merlin could see he changed his mind, “If I need a servant in the next life…”

And this Merlin could handle, making jokes and bantering. He could navigate that.

“Don’t ask me!” Merlin quipped.

And then Arthur was gone, leaving Merlin to hope those would not be the last words they spoke to each other.

Instead Merlin turned his attention to Morgana.

“You are the enchantment, I need Morgause to break it, but it’s on you.”

“Me?”

“Yes it is ingenious, I’m too tired to break it, and you can’t break a spell cast on yourself.” Merlin muttered, the doors banged behind him, yearning to open. “Morgana do you trust me?”

Morgana looked at Merlin carefully, but stood up straight, tall and proud.

“With my life.”

It was an unfortunate choice of words, but Merlin didn’t have time to laugh about it. Instead he dug into his pocket for the draught of hemlock. The vial was oddly heavy in his hands, and the door banged again. 

“It’s poisoned. I have the antidote and a plan.” Merlin explained, but it didn’t look like he needed to, because Morgana looked at it and simply drank the potion in its entirety. She made a face, as if it were a bitter spirit, but otherwise looked fine, and then she dropped like the dead.

Merlin ran towards her, forgetting about the door. She lay completely still in his arms, still alive, but barley.

The doors burst open and Morgause came in, her cloak swirling around her. She looked like an avenging angel, bathed in golden light and her hair so fair. If it weren’t for her demonous personality, Merlin might have actually enjoyed the image.

Morgause took one look at Morgana and shrieked, “You foolish boy! What have you done?”

“I poisoned her, and she will only be revived if you reverse the spell on her.” Merlin hissed, still cradling Morgana in his arms.

“Lies, you wouldn’t let your friend die. You hold her too dear.” Morgause spoke cold and calculating. Merlin tried not to shrink away when Morgause called his bluff. He still had a plan, but sleep tugged insistently at the corners of his mind.

“I don’t want her to die, but I don’t know the antidote. The man who does is asleep. You need to stop the spell and kill the knights.” Merlin lied easily, the antidote heavy in his pocket.

Morgause looked around, her gaze falling to the slumbering king. Morgana chose that moment to let out a wheezing breath, her chest shaking.

“You don’t have much time!” Merlin shouted.

He wondered what he would do if Morgause decided to kill the king anyway, if she didn’t care for Morgana as Merlin thought she did. What id he had just killed his best friend in the world?

But Morgause shouted an incantation, the knights disappeared into a pile of black sand.

“I have not seen the last of you.” Morgause promised, disappearing in a flash.

Merlin had no time to think about the threat, instead he forced the draught of antidote down Morgana’s throat. Making sure she swallowed it all. And then he promptly passed out, right on top of Morgana’s slumbering form.

+++

Merlin hurried into Arthur’s room, the logs piled so high in his hands that he couldn’t even see in front of him, luckily the servant had only run into one wall as he tried to navigate the castle. Merlin dropped all the logs on the ground, with a huff.

Arthur’s room was empty, he was on a patrol, but would be back soon. Merlin was supposed to make sure the room was ready for him, which meant heating the damn place up, because it was bloody freezing today. He threw one log on the fire, sparks flew up, the light of the flames danced before Merlin’s eyes.

Merlin went into the back cupboard to get one of the warmer blankets for the bed, when the door opened. Merlin was going to announce himself, he truly was, but he heard Arthur’s voice, and figured the prince was talking to someone, and didn’t want to be disturbed. 

“I haven’t even taken your servant in weeks.” Arthur said, and Merlin held the blankets closer to his chest.

“No, but you are still not acting on your feelings. And I am sick of watching the two of you dance around each other. At first it was amusing, but now it is just pathetic.” It was Morgana’s voice.

“It’s useless,” Arthur said, and Merlin could hear his gauntlets slam onto the table. He could imagine Arthur’s face perfectly, the slight frown he probably wore, when Arthur was like this he looked like a young child denied sweets. Merlin smiled to himself at the image. “My affections are not returned, and the damn fool is in love with you.”

Merlin’s heart clenched again, and lead pooled in his stomach. He always had known that the Prince would one day fall in love, one day leave him behind and live happily ever after. But Merlin never suspected that the love would come so soon, that he would lose Arthur so soon. Suddenly Merlin wanted to throw up.

“He is not!” Morgana shouted indignantly.

“He is not!” Arthur mocked, using a high pitched voice.

“You are such a child!” Morgana cried, and Merlin could picture it in his minds eye, could see Morgana throw her hands up in frustration and roll her eyes. “But I need you to escort me back to my quarters, Uther has been extra strange recently, wants me guarded everywhere.”

“Of course.” Arthur replied, his voice already getting farther away. When the door opened and closed Merlin left his hiding spot. Hastily Merlin had the blanket thrown over the bed, and then scurried out. He felt sick, and tired and just wanted to lie down. But he had to get the Prince’s diner. Merlin only hoped not to see Arthur too long that night.

+++

Merlin sat in the forest, waiting for Morgana to arrive, his entire body ached and he was stiff. It had been a long couple of day, the blacksmith’s apprentice from the lower town had gravely harmed himself and Merlin had spent all day rushing between Arthur’s chores and helping Gaius to save the man. Both proved useless, because the apprentice had died and Merlin didn’t finish his chores. He wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he promised Morgana he would train with her tonight, at least Merlin could do one thing right.

Morgana came smiling happily, tucked behind her ear was a white flower.

“Sorry I was late, I ran into Odette.” Morgana said dreamily. Odette was a new court lady who had piqued Morgana’s interest. Morgana spoke of her often, so often in fact, Merlin probably knew more about Odette than he knew about himself.

“And she gave you that flower?” Merlin teased, enjoying how Morgana flushed, touching the flower behind her ear. Merlin stood up slowly, trying to stretch the crinks out of his back, it didn’t work.

“You’re just jealous that Arthur doesn’t give you flowers!” Morgana huffed.

And it was Merlin’s turn to blush.

“Arthur? What? I - with Arthur? -never.” Merlin tried, he was almost breathless and hot with shame. The tiredness draining from him immediately.

Morgana laughed at Merlin’s word vomit. Merlin scowled at her.

“You don’t have to deny it.” Morgana said with a gentle smile, “I’ve known for quiet a while.”

Merlin wanted to hit Morgana upside the head, because of course he had to deny it. Even if Merlin weren’t a man in love with another man, or a sorcerer in love with the Prince of Camelot, he was still a servant. Arthur deserved a beautiful princess to marry, someone worthy of him, not the bumbling Merlin, who had cleaning out chamberpots among his daily tasks.

“I don’t know what your talking about.” Merlin tried, “We should just start training.”

Morgana was laughing, that tinkling happy laughter.

“Fine. But just so you know, Arthur talks about you all the time as well.”

+++

Merlin lay in the cot out in Gaius’ chambers. It was strange to be there, he felt he belonged in his own room, hidden away from the prying eyes of Gwen, Morgana, and Arthur. The three of them (and sometimes even Odette) had been in and out all three days he had been sick, constantly checking and fretting over him. Merlin hated it, hated feeling this weak.

But he lay on the cot, drenched in his own sweat. The blankets were rucked down, even as he shivered, everyone too worried about how hot his fever was. He smelt of sickness and death. Merlin wished that he could just magic himself better, but this wasn’t a magical ailment, it was just a sickness he had picked up from somewhere.

“Will he be alright?” Merlin heard whispers but couldn’t identify their source.

“I don’t know. The fever usually breaks on the third day.” A different voice responded this voice sounded worried, and Merlin didn’t like the worry. “I fear if it doesn’t break soon he could succumb to the illness.”

Merlin coughed wetly, his entire body wracked with the cough. Suddenly hands were on him, soothing hands, carding through his hair and helping him sit enough that he didn’t choke on the flem in his lungs. And then just as gently, the hands put him back in the cot.

“You should all get some rest.” The worried voice continued when the cough finally subsided. 

“I am will stay.” That voice he knew, it was _Arthur_. Merlin’s heart did a funny little flip, one he doubted had anything to do with his sickness, at realizing Arthur was the one brushing a soft hand through his hair.

No one said anything to counter Arthur, and slowly he heard people retreating. Then he felt a warm pressure on his hand.

Arthur had picked it up, squeezing it between his own hands, and then brought it to his lips. Pressing a soft kiss to Merlin’s clammy skin Arthur breathed in a shuttering breath.

“You are a terrible servant.” Arthur whispered, his lips still on Merlin’s hands and he could feel how they moved, could feel the ghost of a kiss, “And I know you never follow orders, but this once please, follow this order. Get better. I can’t do any of this without you. I love you, and I can’t lose you. Not like this. Please.”

And then Arthur kissed his hand again.

Merlin almost smiled, except the muscles on his face wouldn’t let him, too exhausted by everything else. And Merlin knew that these orders he would have to listen to, because he loved his prince, and would do anything for him.

The fever broke in the middle of the night.

The next morning, Merlin awoke groggily. Arthur’s head was in Merlin’s lap, the prince fast asleep.

“Arthur?” Merlin called out, jostling Arthur slightly.

It was almost comical how quickly Arthur sat up, his hair sticking up in weird places. Arthur’s eyes wracked the room, searching for a threat, before focusing on Merlin, who was sitting up, propped up by his elbows.

“You’re awake!” Arthur all but shouted.

Arthur surged forward, his lips pressed against Merlin’s with a terrible urgency. It was like Arthur couldn’t breath, and Merlin was his air. And really all Merlin could think about was how his breath still had sick on it, and that his first kiss with Arthur tasted of vomit. Even if Arthur didn’t seem to care.

The kiss was short, but felt like fire. When Arthur pulled away his face was flushed, his lips parted ever so slightly.

All Merlin could do was stare at those lips, those lips that had just been placed over his own.

“I almost lost you, and never had a chance to do that.” Arthur said breathlessly.

“Then we should probably do it again.” Merlin said, trying to think of something witty to say after that, but nothing came. And it didn’t matter, because Arthur was kissing him again.

+++

It was decades later, Arthur lay at his deathbed, an old man with a thriving kingdom. Merlin sat at his side, looking as young as he did when they had gotten married in secret.

Arthur’s breath rattled. He was in pain, very serious pain.

Old age had been kind to the king until it hadn’t, and now Arthur was ready to die. Last night, when they were in bed, Arthur had begged for Merlin to kill him, so that this sickness would hurt him no longer. And Merlin had cried, refusing to hurt his lover.

The door to their chamber opened, and Morgana came in, she looked weary and sad.

She sat down next to Merlin, taking his hand in her own, but her eyes were glued to the King, her brother.

“Merlin, he’s in pain.” Morgana whispered.

“I know.” Merlin replied, tears filling his eyes, “but I - I can’t - I just-”

“I know.” Morgana shushed him, patting his hand warmly. “But I can.”

Merlin stared at Morgana for a long moment. The Dragon’s words came to him again, _The witch will bring the death to the Once and Future King_.

Merlin nodded, and Morgana used her magic to lull Arthur gently to sleep, and then into the arms of death.

The dragon had been right, Morgana would kill the king.

But Merlin was almost thankful for it.


End file.
